It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
