Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's the barista slut.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
