Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
