Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
