he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
