He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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