i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
