If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
