In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We named our party play list daddy issues
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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