I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize