Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
