woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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