saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize