I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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