The maid of honor just puked.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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