Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
