I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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