Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
