we have officially lost it.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
