Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
