So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
