i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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