I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
