i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
