Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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