I accidentally burped into my bong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Panties = found
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
