Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
