Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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