If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So vagazzling was a success
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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