Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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