I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
