I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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