im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
