So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
