They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
