Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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