She is in my trunk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize