he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
