I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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