Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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