he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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