So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
