Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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