after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
