That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
