I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
