Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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