PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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