How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
