And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
