Where did you get a picture of my penis
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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