i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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