my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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