so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
