fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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