Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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