So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
