I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
