I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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