I skipped work to stalk him.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
