If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize