did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
