So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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