he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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