I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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