hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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