im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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