I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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