puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
