My Higher Power is John Stamos
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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