I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize