My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
