We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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