The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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