i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
