i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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