Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
