life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
