apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
