literally had 100 drinks last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
