I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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