i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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