You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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